How should one go about choosing their wedding attendants? Read on to find out...

How many wedding attendants should we have?

The number of bridesmaids and groomsmen you choose for your wedding is determined entirely by the size, style and budget of your wedding. If you intend to pull out all the stops and have a lavish event, you will be able to ask all of your siblings and friends to participate. A good rule of thumb, however, is three attendants for informal weddings, six attendants for semi-formal weddings and twelve attendants for formal weddings. It's a good idea to plan for one usher per every 50 guests, to facilitate smooth seating of guests before the ceremony, and it's not a necessity to have an even number of bridesmaids and groomsmen.

What qualities should we look for in our attendants?

Because your wedding attendants are there to assist you in the sometimes complicated process of planning a wedding and ensuring that it flows smoothly, they will have a fair share of duties to attend to. With that said, you will want to evaluate the candidates' strengths and weaknesses and choose the most reliable, accommodating and helpful of your siblings and friends. With everything going on, the last thing you need to worry about is if your attendants will make it to the fittings on time or, god forbid, someone loses the rings.

Do not feel required to bow to the pressure of others in choosing your wedding party. The honest truth is that everyone has an opinion about your wedding and you will not be able to please everyone. Make the best choices for yourself and your partner and be ready to stand by your decisions.

When should we ask people to be our wedding attendants?

Because everyone has busy schedules, you want to give your attendants as much notice as possible. They will need time to arrange their work schedules, as well as their travel and lodging arrangements. A good rule of thumb is no less than six months before the wedding, with 8-10 months being the ideal time frame.

What should we do with a problem attendant?

Your wedding attendant's primary role is to be there to help you, not cause drama. Unfortunately, some attendants can buckle under the pressure of the role and many brides will have problems with at least one bridesmaid.  If you begin having problems with an attendant, the first step is to sit down with them, honestly discuss the situation at hand, and attempt to find a solution.

If that does not work, if your attendant will not communicate whatsoever, or if the situation is extremely dire, the next unfortunate step is to dismiss them from the role. This kind of confrontational situation is never easy and could lead to a number of outcomes, the worst being the end of your friendship. In an effort to dismiss your attendant smoothly, make sure you do so with kindness and honesty. A great approach is to offer the attendant the option of stepping down, rather than "firing" them.

Although this type of situation is distasteful at best, keep in mind that your stress levels will diminish greatly by removing a problem attendant from the wedding party and replacing him/ her with a more supportive person.

Can I have both a Maid of Honor and a Matron of Honor?

Yes, it is absolutely acceptable to have both a maid of honor and a matron of honor in your wedding party. In fact, it is quite an old tradition that is just now finding a resurgance with modern couples. A wonderful benefit of having both a Maid and Matron of Honor is that they will be able to share the Maid of Honor responsibilities equally, and neither will feel overly stressed by the role. If you wish to keep the attendant numbers equal, or if the groom cannot choose between friends for the Best Man role, it is also quite acceptable to have two Best Men in the wedding party.

What if the Best Man is a Woman or the Maid of Honor is a Man?

If your best friend is a guy or your grooms' best friend is a woman, it is absolutely acceptable to ask them to be your "right hand" people. The days of an all-female bridal party are long gone, and the official title for a male maid of honor or a female best man is "Honor Attendant".

How Should We Thank Our Attendants?

Considering the commitment you ask of your wedding attendants and the help they will provide you throughout your wedding, it's a wonderful gesture to give them a token of thanks for their hard work. You can make the wedding attendant gifts as general or as personalized as you want, and the rehearsal dinner is the perfect time to present their gifts.